Will goat-humping Ken be next?

I never had a Barbie.  But I was fortunate enough to have a friend with a trunk full of various Barbie dolls, and friends, as well as all the full range of lifestyle accessories, like the RV, Corvette, country home with pool and the larger than life walk-in closet.

Countless hours of my childhood were spent in the Mattel-sponsored melodrama of a 6" vixen and her nefarious exploits.  What a slut that doll was.  She was the socialite that neither myself, nor my awkward (and I would suspect eventually gay) friend, could have ever dreamed of being, in our pre-teen ugly duckling fazes.

At the time, I was an ugly, awkward, introverted freckle-faced redhead, who spent most days in the playground either running from the bullies, or being caught by them.  I never had much courage to talk to boys and I rarely had the courage to talk back at the nasty little girls who had a higher social station than me, and knew it.

Never, in a million years, would I have ever dared to do or say any of the things that Barbie did, through our role-playing. The life I made for her was completely alien to me, and that was the reason it was so much fun.  After all, what fun could it have been, if Barbie had been a character that "represented" me, because I didn't even like the place where I was?  Why would I drag my imaginary play friend into the bottomless pit of misery, where I already spent far too much of my own time..?

The words "Barbie doll" used to elicit the image of a ditzy blonde bimbo. No longer. Since Nov. 20, the 50th anniversary of this iconic doll and beloved plaything of little girls everywhere, 500 Barbies --including various Barbies wearing chadors and full burkas -- have been on show at the Salone del Cinquecento in Florence, Italy.

The exhibition is sponsored by toy company Mattel, Barbie's owner. Dolls wearing "traditional Islamic dress" -- the burkas and chadors -- were chosen to be auctioned off by Sotheby's as a fundraiser for the Italian branch of Save the Children.

A Barbie collector attending the exhibition from England opined: "Bring it on, Burka Barbie ... I think this is really important for girls. Wherever they are from, they should have the opportunity to play with a Barbie that they feel represents them."

I have seen some pretty tawdry advertising campaigns in my time, but I must say this one takes the cake for insensitivity. What's next in dolls that are "important for girls" to play with? "Illiterate Barbie"? "Forced-Marriage Barbie"?

Other suggestions for niche Barbies, within the paradigm of dolls little girls can relate to:

* Militant Dyke Barbie, complete with flannel shirt and strap-on. Skipper doll comes extra

* Honor Killing Barbie, with noose-knotted headscarf or optional sandbox and bag of stones

* Bad Touch Barbie and Babysitting Uncle playset

* Babymomma Barbie with full set of gangsta bling (absentee unknown babyfather not included)

Comments

[Bob Devine]

I think their next addition to the Barbie line should be Jihad Joe. That way Burka Barbie will have someone to cut her head off if she accidently gets left alone with Barbie`s friend Ken in the toy box.

I`ll bet a box of beer that Burka Barbie will never see the inside of anyone in my family`s home.

[Jay Tea]

Bad thought of the day:

"Skipper doll comes extra?"

Extra WHAT?

I'm presuming that Militant Dyke Barbie knows what she's doing, for Skipper's benefit...

And I always liked "Divorced Barbie" -- she comes with all of Ken's stuff.

J.