Wedded bliss or narcissistic exercise?

I’m a simple gal.  Don’t laugh now, it really is true.  As such, my upcoming wedding should prove to be relatively simple; I am growing my own flowers, making my own cake and making the dresses for our 3 girls, who will comprise the female portion of the wedding party.  Other than that, most of the usual frills and silly, frivolous traditions are being shunned for a small, simple ceremony and a close dinner.

Like I said…simple.

I’m also the kind of gal who thinks that the poor, unassuming gent who had the courage and courtesy to ask me to marry him, should actually get a say in some of the planning of the day.

This apparently makes me rarest of all.

Most people are subtle about it.  The lady who handles the reservations at the banquet hall directs most questions straight to me, rather than to us…the ladies at the dress shop express surprise and confusion that I would like my fiance’s opinion on my dress…the florists I consulted (before deciding to do my own) invariably expected I would make a decision on flowers without consulting my partner.

I get it.  Really, I do.  Everyone has been imbued with the certainty that the wedding day is the bride’s day.  Apparently, the poor schlep who comprises the other half of the pair, is just another accessory to be incorporated into the taffeta landscape.

Doesn’t anyone notice something seriously wrong with that?

Mikey went tuxedo shopping with my son this week.  I made it very clear to him that I expected him to pick whatever his heart desired.  The only stipulation I had was that I did not want him to match tie or cummerbund with the accent color of my dress – because it’s pink and I think it looks ridiculous to put a grown man in anything pink.  It’s really a mercy, because I love him and do not see the need to humiliate him for the sake of color symmetry.

Sadly, this seemed to be a concession that simply could not be comprehended by the professionals in charge of supplying tuxedos to the poor unfortunate souls who are rarely permitted to have minds of their own.

Don’t you want to match her colors?  What do you mean you don’t need the tuxedo to match her dress?  Gasp!

How did we get here, where a perfectly mature gentleman, entering into a respectful partnership, with (presumably) an equally mature lady, is not permitted the simple pleasure of picking his own clothing for the day without fear of recrimination?

Am I the only woman in this place who is sane enough to recognize that sharing the day with the love of my life involves allowing him the dignity of a say in things?

Seriously.  I see these neurotic, self-centered control freaks who micro-manage every single detail and condescendingly over-ride their partners (when they bother to let them have a say, at all)…and then they wonder why they are divorced within 5 years.

Honestly ladies.  It’s not your day (singular).  It’s your day (plural)…you and him.  If you love him enough to share your life with him, you should love him enough to let him share in the most important day of both your lives.

I’m sure there are plenty of men out there who don’t really care about the color of the icing on the cake, but if the poor bugger is standing at the altar, drowning in a sea of ivory and peach, that is not a relationship where he is getting the consideration and respect of his wife-to-be.

Unless of course, it’s Rupaul.

Comments

[mikey]

Ivory and peach... *shudder*

I do not wish to wear pink, and I do not wish for the boys to clash with the girls. I think I can put on my big boy pants and pick something all by myself. It's nice to be marrying someone who accepts that, rather than one of the bridezillas who have apparently conditioned the response of formalwear vendors!

[pete in Midland]

actually, being colorblind and not giving a crap, generally, about whether clothes go together ... I've become a wussie and allowed my wife to put out my clothes the night before ... well, back when I was gainfully employed, anyway. Not because I was henpecked, but because I really didn't care and she did.

As far as our wedding ... I picked Hawaii. I picked the honeymoon cottage, the minister and a fair bit of similar stuff ... and I simply grabbed what I thought was my best suit and asked her if it was ok with her ... she picked the dress she liked and didn't worry about any of the other stuff since she had no one to "show off" to ... we didn't invite anyone along. (and no, I'm not saying I overrode what she wanted, we simply wanted a minimum of fuss, and wanted to enjoy the day and the ceremony without wasting a huge amount of time on "non-essentials".

Neither of us have regretted our choice in the 12 years we've been married ...

[Texas Canuck]

Silly girl, don't you realize that weddings are a multi-million dollar business? If it was all simple and common sense then there would be a dozen television "bridezilla" shows cancelled. Women these days are using the cost of their weddings as status symbols.

My wife and I did it on the cheap, mainly because $325/mo didn't go very far back in the day and I liked to eat. I even saved on the tux opting for my military uniform, friends baked our cake, wedding dress was made and reception was back at the house. That was close to 35 years ago so I'd say we got a good deal for the money spent, although in hindsight we should have sprung for a photographer who knew how to operate the camera. :-(

I guess the bottom line is "Money can't buy you love."

[El Jefe Maximo]

Good luck with that. Texas Canuck is right: the whole thing is such a huge industry, and when that happens, common sense gets thrown right out the door.

[chanel j12]

I mean, if the Brits are out-sexing us, we really need to step up our game! I was just at MoMA a few weeks ago, and didn't hear anyone say "gross" or "who decided that was art?". I'm asdfsure different arguments can be made as to why that was, but just an observation.