Break out the turtlenecks (or the burqas, as you please) because the tut-tutting vanguards of vagina on the festering left of the Canadian blogosphere have their plus-size cotton knickers in a knot over the profound insult of having a former stripper -- a stripper!!! -- nominated in the Best Feminist Blog category of the Canadian Blog Awards.
Suffice to say the stripper in question is most assuredly me but the real question is not can a stripper qualify as a feminist, but rather -- since when did these people judge the quality of feminist credential by the principled absence of public nipple displays? And what (if any) effect does this have on their collective imperious defense of the right for heroin-addicted sex trade workers to pimp their asses out in our public parks and alleyways without fear of prosecution?
A lowly ex-stripper like myself is left to wonder what quantifiable difference there is between a woman who takes her clothes off on stage in order to earn enough money to feed her son and break from dependence on an abusive spouse, and one who takes her clothes off on stage for a recitation of "The Vagina Monologues" in the cause of self-glorification and the furtherance of a feminist doctrine which increasingly distances itself from the concerns and issues of actual women?
I suspect the born-again puritans on the left would take far less exception to my role in the flesh trade if I had dutifully taken on the requisite shroud of victimhood expected of "exploited" women for credentialed entry into the hallowed halls of femininity. Had I acquired a debilitating drug addiction, an unbreakable dependence on social programs and welfare, or perhaps simply left my son unsupervised and starving while I trolled the streets to barter out the next scab-encrusted blowjob, only then might my ass-tossing to the latest pop tune be forgiven with all due lordly condescension.
GAWD FORBID I should use the tools nature gave me, to improve my own circumstances! Didn't I realize that is clearly the role of an endless line of victim's advocacy groups and bloated bureaucratic nanny programs? After all, what meaningful contribution does it make to the worldwide feminist movement in general, when a single woman lifts herself out of dire circumstances through a solid adherance to the principles of personal responsibility, with perseverance and within the confines of the rule of law? And how dare I not be thoroughly ashamed of this seedy episode?
Had I ended up face down in a ditch, beaten and diseased, with an emaciated crack baby festering in a filthy crib at home -- the next up-and-coming addition to Oprah's poor-me-biography book list -- I'd be a fucking hero to these idiots.
But I'm a Conservative self-starter who helped myself and didn't whine about it, and that makes me a pariah in the world of Professional Feminist Perma-Outrage (TM). As additional insult, I also happen to be a woman who does not shy away from or deny my sexuality or the role of sexuality in other women. I do not subscribe to the notion that my physical appeal is something I should hang my head in shame over and I dare anyone to make the mistake of underestimating my intellect based on the cup size of my bra and the pair of 4 inch heels I could do a 100 meter sprint in.
In a single day, I could go from re-shingling the roof in the morning to debating the moral and political implications of safe injection sites over dinner, then to spreading out the rubber sheet for a 4-hour session of sloppy, smutty sex with the man whom I share 6 children with, and never once doubt that (barring physical impairments) every single woman out there is fully capable of accomplishing exactly the same feats of diverse ambidexterity -- and that not a single one of them should be ashamed or apologetic for it.
I have been disqualified in the running for Best Feminist Blog because I used to be a stripper "...where to begin?", as one of the elitists put it. Well, I sincerely believe that what truly disqualifies me from this category has a lot more to do with my strict adherence to sanity, rationality and reason, as well as a more than passing familiarity with decency, personal responsibility, and let's face it, personal hygiene.
So ladies -- and emasculated gentlemen...bring your hairy armpits and your hypocritical, circular, cut-and-paste logic to any mental challenge of your choice, and me and my thigh-high boots, silicone c-cups, and slutty half-naked pinups will still kick the snot out of your flawed intellectual assumptions and moral mastication, every single time.
Because my highly sexualized flaunting does not impair or cripple me, but it apparently does a magnificent job of tying you all up in masochistic knots.
Sober second thought: Comments from 2 of the left-leaning blogs linked above indicate that the reason for my disqualification was in fact not because I used to be a stripper but rather, because I'm not a very good feminist and don't devote enough time and verbiage to Wymun's interests as defined by true feminists. Thanks for the clarification and in light of the new facts on the ground, please see sufficiently relevant response above and clarifying comment below.
Feminism is for weak women who need excuses and causes to give their lives meaning, or for women who are too cowardly, lazy or overburdened by the massive chips on their shoulders, to measure up in any meaningful way without insisting on a handicap advantage.
I am neither, and I don't need a sheild made of ovaries to protect me from the natural consequences of my actions or to entitle me to rewards and consideration which I have not earned.